Moving my blog

I don't know why I didn't do this earlier but I am merging my two blogs into one and will be updating http://dalaketh.blogspot.com/ from now on.

Another missed opportunity

Another weekend has gone by and still no intimacy whatsoever. My wife likes to have her friend's family over all the time and I generally don't have any issue with that. But it does take time away from just the two of us spending quality time together, especially on the weekend. This weekend, however, they went camping and I thought maybe during this reprieve we will get a chance to be close. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort happened. We barely touched each other. I think her period is coming up soon as well so that will definitely limit any sexual encounter for at least 10 days. So it looks like September is going to be just as lonely as August was. Next month is our oldest son's birthday as well as Halloween at the end and so the odds of any intimate or sexual encounter are very low. I start my seasonal work in October and so I won't have as much free time and my schedule will probably be later in the day than my wife's schedule so we will have even less time together. This year is looking like we are going to definitely fall into that "sexless marriage" category of less than 10 times a year. I am really getting tired of dealing with the situation. I don't know what to do. I try to keep my spirits high, as difficult as that is. Staving off feelings of being undesirable and unwanted as best I can.

So a major part of me wants to leave. I have started thinking about how much money I would need to move out and get a place of my own. That would most likely include moving out of state so I would need to take that into account. The first thing I should do is make sure my resume is up to date. I might be able to find a job in one of the larger cities here in California. If that doesn't pan out then I can still use it for finding a job in another city. My family is in Utah and Las Vegas while my friends are in Washington state so I am unsure where I would want to make my move. I have another good friend that said he would keep an eye out for tech work in the Chicago area as well. The further away I move the less often I will see my boys and that is what frightens me about the whole thing. I hope I can figure it all out. 

The lack of intimacy is getting to me

So our anniversary was at the end of July and my Dad/Step-mom took our boys camping for a week out of state. They have done this before and our boys really enjoy the time (except for the lack of Internet...). We actually had sex two times, albeit not on our actual anniversary and not in the same day of course. I know I should have blogged about it shortly after it happened but it slipped my mind. Since it had been such a long time since our last sexual encounter I only lasted like 30 seconds. That's about all the detail I can recall about both times we had sex.

Here I am almost two months after our anniversary and we have not been intimate at all. In fact she sleeps on the couch most, if not all the time. I have asked her about it and all she has said is that she doesn't know why or that she doesn't want to wake me up when she gets up. But even on the weekends when we can sleep in she still sleeps on the couch. As far as any physical affection goes I get a peck on the lips or cheek with an "I love you". It just doesn't work for me. I need more. I want to feel desired by the woman I vowed to love for the rest of my life.

A few years back we got the five love languages book and I convinced her to fill out the questions. I was a tie between acts of service and physical love languages and she scored highest on words of affirmation. Since then I always try to make extra effort to listen, and engage in her conversations, I leave her notes complimenting her and telling her how much I appreciate the things she does. But I don't seem to get the same effort back from her. I frequent Reddit's Deadbedroom thread and have posted a time or two there but it was mostly just venting my frustration at the terrible situation that is a dead bedroom. Right now I feel like I am done with trying to fix any of it. Worn out from trying so hard and feeling like my wife doesn't give a damn. I feel confident that I will not accept pity/duty sex from her.

I start up my seasonal job next month and I am going to save as much money as I can in case I decide that I can't take it anymore. I first have to save up enough money to get my truck registered but California wants $1500 for it. Since we only have one other vehicle and she uses it for work I guess that will be my first priority once my checks start rolling in. I need to have a way of escaping this mess if it gets to be too much. I really don't want to leave my kids but I don't think that them seeing a relationship that is unloving is a good thing for them. I am filled with dread thinking that one day my boys might be in the same situation. I think about the advice I would give them and I always come back to the thought that if they were in the same boat as me I would tell them to leave. It isn't worth the time and effort when the other person doesn't care to try.

If we split up I would need to leave this city and probably state. The weather is mostly nice here in Cali (summers are too hot where I am though) but I have no friends or family here. My wife does and that is why we moved here. The area we are at has very litte computer related jobs and that is the field I am in. Before we ever moved I told my wife that if it wasn't working after 5 years that I would want to move. It has been 4 years since we moved here and I can tell it isn't working out. She has said that she does not want to move away and so it looks like I will be moving without her either way. So now I guess it is time to save up as much as I can to make this transition as smooth as possible.